There are days and there are moments.

We all have them. You know what I am talking about. Those times when something doesn't work out the way you planned, or when something is missing, gone without a trace its that time when the world feels like its crashing around you and you have no control in stopping it. I notice that this happens a lot to me. It can be the dramatic ear infection that has been going on for months or the dramatic decline of my computer's hard drive and loss of data from my backup, to simply a bad day at work.

Whatever that cause is for those bad days, its definitely the right moment to start thinking about all the awesome things in your life. Back home, for me, a bad day could turn into a bad month, then year, than life.. pretty quickly. I was quick to be down on myself for a lot of things that didn't go well/right. In college, some of my friends would comment on how I was too serious and needed to loosen up a bit. I know they meant well, but it hurt a lot when they said or teased me about this. I didn't know how else to react to things that didn't go perfectly when I should be in control of them. At some point last year, I realized that my inability to relax and let things happen as they do was effecting my life on a more holistic level.

Life wasn't happening the way it was supposed to.

Everywhere I turned, I wasn't living up to the standard of living that I believed was expected of me or that I believed my friends were living. Friends were getting married, having kids, graduating from Graduate School, traveling, working a job they liked/loved, going on adventures.... The list went on and on... No matter what I tried to do, I wasn't happy, I didn't feel accomplished...   Even when I had/did things that I thought were on the list, the outcome didn't yield the results it should have.

And then, I did something crazy. I applied to teach English in Japan.

It wasn't something new, I'd done it before. Three times before, in fact. Every time I applied I was one step closer to making the cut, but not making it so many times when many of the people around me got in on the first or second try... Well... I felt like a loser. A judo friend encouraged me to try again. He reminded me, I had nothing to lose and everything to gain if I made another attempt. He was right. Albeit, I am still realizing how right he was in pushing me to apply to JET. I couldn't have imagined the people I would meet, or the experiences I would have.  Moreover, I couldn't imagine what a step away from my life in America would do for my ability to accept that "shit just happens."

I don't want to sound like I am a new person. I am not. I still panic when things don't go well. Friday, I was brought to tears, when one of my lesson plans failed, at no fault of my own. It was simply one of the difficulties one faces when working with language barriers and a different personality. What I am learning is that there is so much potential for things to go right or for them to change that dwelling on that failed moment or day, is not seeing the whole picture clearly. There is still awesome in failure, its just a matter of perspective.

To bathe or not to bathe.... Hey, a lil' dirt never hurt nobody!

Last weekend, my family challenged me to Onsen. I say challenge because my American self is not so excited about the idea of bathing naked among strangers nor friends and family.
                                                    Its just.... awkward... 
But I did it. It was nice and relaxing. There werent that many people because the hotel with the Onsen in it only had 6 rooms for guests and was private to only those guests of the hotel.

The procedure for onsen is all about showering before you enter the bath. Then you sit in this really huge pool full of hot water for a while and yup... that's it.

I dont much get the excitement of onsen. I personally would rather my own glamorous bath tub in the comfort of my own home but Japanese people and foreigners alike have raved to me about doing this. Perhaps its because Japanese homes are too small for glamorous baths or if your a foreign language teacher (like me) at the mercy of your Board of Education, where you live is up to them and the status of your living accommodations is an accumulation of the years of ALTs before you, well then, a pretty bathtub might be an exciting event.

But still... Its not the bathing naked with other people that bothers me, its that to me, bathing is my own private relax time, where I can get lost in my thoughts and sink under the skin of the hot water, lying half vested into another world and where gravity is my friend.

Ok, lets play catch up! (or ketchup if you prefer)

Woah... Where has the time gone? How has it been so long since my last post?

Ok what have I been up too... Hummmm...


The thing about not being able to speak the same language as 98% of all the people around you is that you spend a lot of time in your brain, deciphering the conversations happening in the present and toying with the questions I will inevitably have to face when I decide to leave Japan.

The mess in my brain kinda sounds like this:
What are your long term goals? Do you have any? What about short term? What do you want in your life?
How is everyone doing back home?
Oh... I think Kyoto sensei just said something about university and 3rd years... there must be an exam coming up.
Ok.. now I dont know whats going on... it sounded like he/she said pizza ......
Shoot! did I turn off the stove this morning? Man, I really miss having an oven... I want to bake some bread... oh... Pumpkin bread....
Shoot, whats today? Oh.. that's gold.. its Friday... Ugh crud... what do I have to do at the other school on Monday?
hrm... maybe I can make pumpkin bread in the toaster oven.... What kind of job am I going to get when I go back to the States?
Damn, I miss apple picking....

Yeah.. my brain is kinda like that. One big mess of thoughts smooshed together into a messy 3 or 4 minutes while life around me is in gear.

Its amazing how I get by in this country, when I've no clue what is being said to me. I've convinced the people I work with that I am really good at understanding and terrible at speaking. This is  not true. I have very little idea about the words being spoken to me. However, I am very good at observing the non-spoken part of the language and deciphering from there the topic at hand. Maybe we can call it mind reading. I'm really good at mind reading... ;)

ANYWAY, What have I been up too... lets see here.

Visit to Mt Aso, the active volcano on the island where I reside, again. This time I mostly hiked in national park nearby. It was gorgeous with all the waterfalls. I would recommend it. And dont worry, as soon as my computer has a brand new hard drive, I will post pictures in this blog. It will be easier to explain everything with a picture. After that little bit of exercise and the most awesome dango (mochi or pounded rice cake on a stick, trust me.. dEEElish!), my friend, her principal (he drove us to the area and treated us to lunch and dinner, pretty nice guy actually) and I toured around Kumamoto castle. It was rebuilt recently so, nothing of an ancient structure remains but it was beautiful none the less. I enjoyed the walk and the architecture, and the Japanese garden nearby. We finished the day with a ginormous traditional meal that I can't really describe. It was just a lot of little sample sized food, so that by the time your done nibbling at all that has been laid in front of you, you feel like you might explode out of your pants. I truely wonder how Japanese people are so skinny.

To be continued... (sorry, my brain is outta juice.)